～てもらえませんか / ～ていただけませんか

How it works

～てもらえませんか and ～ていただけませんか are the standard polite requests of everyday Japanese. They are built from the て-form of the action you want plus the potential of a receiving verb (もらえる “can receive”, いただける the humble version) in a negative question: literally “could I not receive (your) doing X?”. That roundabout shape is exactly what makes them polite: you are asking whether the favour is possible, not telling the person to do it, so they can say no without embarrassment.

• Verb て-form + もらえませんか, polite and the everyday default: 教えてもらえませんか。
• Verb て-form + いただけませんか, humble, for superiors, customers and strangers: 教えていただけませんか。
• The affirmative もらえますか／いただけますか is a touch more direct; the negative ませんか is the softer of the two.
• Casual, to friends: ～てもらえない？ or ～てもらえる？ (手伝ってもらえない？).
• Extra soft: ～ていただけないでしょうか, typical in emails and formal requests.

The request usually opens with a cushion such as すみません or すみませんが, and the person you are asking is normally not named, since it is the listener. When a third person is the one doing the favour, they take に: 先生に見てもらう。

Examples

• すみません、もう一度言ってもらえませんか。（すみません、もう いちど いって もらえません か）— Excuse me, could you say that once more?
• この漢字の読み方を教えていただけませんか。（この かんじ の よみかた を おしえて いただけません か）— Could you tell me how to read this kanji?
• すみません、写真を撮ってもらえませんか。（すみません、しゃしん を とって もらえません か）— Excuse me, could you take a picture for us?
• すみませんが、少し静かにしていただけませんか。（すみません が、すこし しずか に して いただけません か）— Sorry, but could you keep it down a little?
• ちょっと手伝ってもらえない？（ちょっと てつだって もらえない）— Can you give me a hand?
• 会議の資料を送っていただけませんか。（かいぎ の しりょう を おくって いただけません か）— Could you send me the materials for the meeting?

Compare with

• ～てください: a polite instruction. Fine from a teacher to a class or a clerk to a customer, but to a superior or a stranger it can sound like an order; もらえませんか／いただけませんか leave the decision with the listener.
• ～てくれませんか ／ ～てくださいませんか: the same ladder seen from the giver's side (くれる “give to me”). They are a shade more direct because they ask “won't you do it?” rather than “could I receive it?”; both sets are correct and heard daily.
• ～ませんか: without て it is an invitation to do something together (一緒に食べませんか = shall we eat?), not a request for a favour (食べてもらえませんか = could you eat it for me?).

Traps for Spanish, English and French speakers

• Spanish ¿Puede ayudarme? and French Pouvez-vous m'aider ? put “can” on the main verb, so learners say ✗ 手伝えますか, which only asks whether the person is able to help. The potential belongs on the receiving verb: ○ 手伝ってもらえますか ／ 手伝ってもらえませんか。
• Copying the invitation pattern ～ませんか, English speakers drop the potential: ✗ 教えてもらいませんか。 That is a suggestion that the listener get taught by someone else (先生に教えてもらいませんか = why not have the teacher explain?); a request to the listener needs もらえ: ○ 教えてもらえませんか。
• Spanish usted and French vous tempt learners to treat いただけませんか as the safe form for everyone, but to a friend it sounds cold and distant, while 手伝ってもらえない？ to a boss is rude. Rough map: もらえない？ = tú/tu, もらえませんか = usted/vous among colleagues, いただけませんか = superiors, clients and strangers you need something from.
• Spanish prestar (lend) and pedir prestado (borrow) get tangled in the pair 貸す／借りる: ✗ ペンを借りてもらえませんか asks the listener to borrow a pen on your behalf. To get one lent to you the verb is 貸す: ○ ペンを貸してもらえませんか。