あげる・くれる・もらう

How it works

Japanese has three everyday verbs where Spanish, English and French get by with give and receive. The choice depends on the direction relative to the speaker, not on who is the grammatical subject.

• あげる — giver は／が + receiver に + thing を. The gift moves away from the speaker, or between two outsiders: 私は友達に本をあげた、田中さんは山田さんに花をあげた.
• くれる — giver が + (私に) + thing を. The gift moves toward the speaker, or toward the speaker's family, company or group: 友達が（私に）本をくれた. The receiver is usually left out because it is obviously you.
• もらう — receiver は／が + giver に／から + thing を. The same event as くれる seen from the receiver's chair: 私は友達に本をもらった.

Attach them to the て-form and the 'gift' becomes an action done as a favor: 手伝ってあげる (I help someone), 手伝ってくれる (someone helps me), 手伝ってもらう (I get someone to help me). Japanese speakers use these constantly; leaving them out makes a favor sound like a neutral fact.

Each verb has a politeness version: さしあげる (humble あげる, giving to a superior), くださる (respectful くれる, a superior gives to me), いただく (humble もらう, I receive from a superior). Downward to pets, plants and small children, あげる often becomes やる: 犬にえさをやる.

Examples

• 友達の誕生日に本をあげました。（ともだち の たんじょうび に ほん を あげました）— I gave my friend a book for their birthday.
• 友達が私にお土産をくれました。（ともだち が わたし に おみやげ を くれました）— My friend gave me a souvenir.
• 私は友達にお土産をもらいました。（わたし は ともだち に おみやげ を もらいました）— I got a souvenir from my friend.
• 田中さんが駅まで送ってくれた。（たなかさん が えき まで おくって くれた）— Tanaka-san took me to the station.
• 先輩に日本語を教えてもらっています。（せんぱい に にほんご を おしえて もらって います）— A senior colleague is teaching me Japanese.
• 妹の宿題を手伝ってあげた。（いもうと の しゅくだい を てつだって あげた）— I helped my little sister with her homework.

Compare with

• ～てください: ください is the request form of くださる, so 手伝ってください literally asks 'give me the favor of helping': the same inward direction as くれる.
• 受身 vs ～てもらう: 友達に部屋を掃除された (a friend cleaned my room and I did not want it) vs 友達に部屋を掃除してもらった (I had a friend clean my room, gratefully). The passive marks nuisance; もらう marks benefit.
• 使役 vs ～てもらう: 弟に手伝わせた (I made my brother help, by authority) vs 弟に手伝ってもらった (my brother helped me, as a favor).

Traps for Spanish, English and French speakers

• Spanish dar and French donner are one verb, so learners write ✗ 友達が私に本をあげた. Anything given to you or your family is くれる: 友達が私に本をくれた; あげる only points away from you.
• English 'get' covers buying and finding, but もらう requires a giver: ✗ 店で本をもらった claims the shop gave it to you for free. Bought things use 買う; もらう is for gifts and favors.
• English 'my mother made me lunch' carries no gratitude marker, so learners report 母が弁当を作った, which sounds cold or like a mere fact. When it was done for you, add くれる: 母が弁当を作ってくれた.
• Spanish usted and French vous change the pronoun, but Japanese changes the verb itself: ✗ 先生にプレゼントをあげました sounds too casual for a teacher. Upward use さしあげる, and describe the teacher's favors with くださる／いただく: 先生が教えてくださった、先生に教えていただいた.